The Art of Selfless LOVING
A man once said, “When love was strong, we could have made our bed on a sword-blade. Now that our love has grown weak, a bed of 60 cubits is not large enough for us.”
In this fast pace world where there is a population of almost 7 billion people, since most are chasing the life of materialistic pleasures such as car, big house, expensive bike, jewelry etc. Not so surprisingly if I talk about selfless love one has to run upside down to find such person, besides our parents, who loves selflessly. On the other hand, I don’t think one has to struggle at all, just look around and you might find a Dog, Cat or may be Cow that can love you immensely without even knowing you. Certainly there are filthy rich people craving for love which money can’t buy. Money can bring you momentary happiness but not that love which will bring eternal smile on your face.
LOVE AND SELFLESS are quite synonymous words but today such pious words have lost their sheen, and even the contrary seems to be true, ‘if there is love there can’t be anything selfless.’
It reminds me of a funny story between a mother and son, a young child says to his mother, “mumma mumma, I love you,” lovingly the mother replies, “I love you too my son.” Now when the little child grows up to 20 he holds her hand, kisses on her cheeks and again says, “I love you mumma,” as usual she replies with politeness and says, “love you too my son, take this pocket money and spend good time with your friends.” Now when the child grows in to a man of 26 years and 5’10” height he again says, “Mumma, you are the best mother in the world, I love you so much,” here is the catch, she presumes and says, “Who is that girl, tell me?” Now after few years later when the man turns 40 he again says with little indifference, “You are very nice mom, I love you and will always love you more,” she sympathizes a bit and replies with great surprise, “I’m not going to sign on any paper, do you understand.” And then the grown up man fumes in anger, vanquishing his love for his mother, and shouts at her, scaring her to the hilt.
The story is not just to justify my point that there is no selfless love in the world, I think love is the most misunderstood and underrated word in the world. We love other person to quench our feelings of love, we love other person be it our mother, spouse, friend etc. for our benefit, the way we want or feel better not the way the other person feels loved.
I’m not saying that you are not entitled to live your own life as per your wish. All I’m suggesting is that if you truly love the other person then you should earnestly make an effort to find out what matters to them and how he or she wishes to be loved.
A young mother had just put her newly born daughter to sleep. She stood near her with her husband, appreciating the little sleeping beauty, and reminiscing her own growing up days.
“I had a rather hard childhood,” she said. “I always longed to learn piano but my parents forced me to take guitar lessons. They never cared about my feelings. I hated guitar but they never understood.”
“We’ll make sure our daughter doesn’t go through that,” the husband intervened, putting his hand on hers.
“Right! I’ll never let my daughter take guitar classes. Instead, she will take piano lessons.”
This is the primary cause of conflict in most relationships. We want to live our dreams through the other person. We want the other person to fulfill our own desires. Perhaps, it’s natural that we want such things, though most people might say the same. Therefore, it is why people enter into relationships so they may feel complete and fulfilled. Even though, this contention is well understood, most partners continue to fail each other. In broken or failed relationships, both people continue to assert and count for how much or what all they are already doing for the other and this happens vice versa. They both are crystal clear on what the other person is not doing or what other person is lacking. There is ample time for looking at the weaknesses or faults in each other rather than seeing the loving and caring side. Definitely, nobody is born perfect but one can strive to be near perfection if not born perfect and that will be enough to live happily. No one is perfect, everyone of us has come with a package deal, there is the good and the bad. We should focus on the good and deal with the bad.
We are too busy in our lives today that we have almost forgotten to love others in our family or any person without any ulterior motive. And we have formed a habit of running after things, loving things, cherishing the fleeting happiness aroused by those little tangible but unrealistic things. We long to be loved but we don’t want to express our love, we want to have everything but we don’t want to give, how can it be possible. We have to first learn how to give without feeling of getting anything in return, that’s what real love is.
And therefore we all can love but we don’t want to dive deep into it to understand it unequivocally. Just in case you fall in love with a beautiful girl, you will like everything about her, may be her bad handwriting, ordinary cooking skills, despite all her bad qualities. And why do you do that because you love that charming girl. I don’t want to deviate you from your love all I want to say is that if with great love you can like a person with so many flaws then how about treating and caring for each person you come in contact with same respect and humility. Of course the feelings won’t be the same as those for that beautiful girl but your emotions, the respect for each person would be almost same. Just think about animals do we love them back the way they love us, think of trees do we plant more trees or water them when they are burning in the sun, like they have been giving us fruits without any expectations. Think of the animals sitting on the streets, in the middle of the road eating waste and plastic, we don’t care for them but when some spiritual person asks us to feed them with the best food in respect to get a good fortune in return we instantly follow the suit. That’s the way most people have been brought up. It’s never too late to do a good deed, in fact this is the right time to change our thinking from greed to gratitude, compassion and selfless loving. It will be by the grace of God we will get enough as long as we are doing our good Karma.
With great love you can conquer everything and without love you are nothing. As Mahatma Gandhi beautifully said, “Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with love.”
We all live in six dimensions of north, east, south, west, up and down, but there is the seventh dimension also in the world, the spiritual dimension. In the spiritual dimension, we have to create a positive atmosphere in our homes and in all our relationships. We must listen to the people we love. We must care for all living beings on this planet without expecting anything in return just like a Monk who tries to save a scorpion which constantly bites him because of his nature but the monk doesn’t retract in fact he keeps doing his good deed (story i shared in my previous blog). Love selflessly, believe, try and you will feel better.
Love you all …!!!